I made a new christian speedpaint drawing!!! :) <3 Hope all is well and hope you enjoy! :) 

I finally finished my animation…<3 I hope you like it….

:) watch me draw this thing. ;v; I call this picture: Baptism. :) 

I was on the ministry team for my church’s “Kingdom Come Conference.” That was an amazing experience and I am so glad that God showed up. Lately I have been feeling down and upset and depressed about personal issues having to deal with either spiritual activity, or physical illness. So Coming into this conference, I entered in sad, depressed, confused and upset, and I left the conference feeling empowered, encouraged, hopeful, and affirmed. ♥ 

The teachings were great! We learned about religion vs relationship and how we can change the church into a spiritually alive one, and not some legalistic rules and regulations church. We also had a guest speaker talk about sexuality, as she got to know Jesus from her lesbian days. Also had a few talks about women in ministry in particular, and how we can be empowered to step into the calling God has for us. It was amazing and much needed and I learned a whole lot!!! :) 

But the things that stood out to me most, is God’s calling on my life and how I hear from him. There were more than one instance where God just knocked me on the floor, in a fit of messy, uncontrollable, side-splitting laughter that only his holy spirit can bring. :) My classmates and I were beside ourselves as God had his way with us, letting his little girls know that he loves them. :’) 

There were healings galore. One man screamed out, “I’M FREE!!!!” in front of the whole congregation, and we all cheered and danced. We sung our lungs out to the Lord in worship and we saw many men and women getting delivered from evil spirits. 

Personally, God was speaking to me about getting boldness to raise my voice. How exactly do I hear his voice anyway? These things have been on my mind recently.

The second day of the conference, I was upset I couldn’t go to the prophetic encouragement rooms because we had a dinner with the guest speakers. Eventually I forgot about it, but I so wanted a prophetic word. Years ago when I was 16, I had a vision I was going to be leading children to the Lord, and last year in my hometown, there was a church that had prophetic meetings. So I went to 7-8 of them, and each time by different people, they gave the same word: “You have a childrens ministry. You’re going to be leading the next generation up to be strong men and women in Christ.” :) So in this conference, I was excited and wanted so badly to see if there was going to be more specificity on those words. 

 During worship, I kept thinking of that promise God had given me, but also I saw an image of a basket of bread and I felt the Lord say, “Tell the pastor to read this word to the church: The bread is the bread I give to each and every one here tonight. There is something here for everyone tonight.” Scared out of my mind, because doubt had crept in, I suffered all throughout worship. Finally, I mustered up my courage and gave the word to Bill, my pastor. I cried, shaking, wondering if the word was actually from the Lord or not, and finally, he read the word. And it was such an awesome moment. I felt courage arise, and I was glad I had given the word. ♥ 

Then, afterwards, at ministry time, I went up to pray for people, but no one came up. so as I stood there, I saw a woman approach me. She said, “God gave me a word for you. would you like to hear?” And so…I was super excited! She told me, 

“God says you’re right where you need to be. And like David, you’re trying to wear Saul’s armor, but it’s not fitting. God wants you to know he is making armor for you that fits you perfectly, and He loves you the way he made you. ♥”

As if THAT incredible word wasn’t enough, she also said 

“I just had to come over because I kept seeing children around you. And they’re asian, too. And they are surrounding you in the future. I don’t know if they’re your children per say  but in your future you’re going to be traveling a lot, and you’re gonna have a whole bunch of kids around you.” 

;A; just….Jesus. He…He totally met me and affirmed me, and gave me another SPARK for my dream!!! To have an overseas ministry to children, preferably in Japan, but…wow. looks like I have good things in my future!!! ♥ 

“Did you know, Shasta college, (down your street,) has Japanese lessons too. You should go and take some.” 

;;;;;____________;;;;; God OPENED A DOOR FOR ME. He is making a way for me!!!! I feel like..that’s my next step…I can’t believe how much God loves us all and that he would look at me, and say “Your dreams..ever since you were a young teen, are going to happen.” ;_; Jesus…My Jesus….

And as if that wasn’t enough, to top it all off, she gave me a word about my FUTURE HUSBAND. 

“He’s not here yet because you are in the middle of God’s heart. And he is frantically swimming through God’s heart to find you. ♥ God isn’t done with him yet, but soon He will come and you BOTH will know it. It will be a deep spiritual connection. He feels the same way about you, he prays about you, he asks God, ‘where is my wife? why isn’t she here yet, Lord?’ and God just isn’t done refining you two. Don’t worry. He’ll come by. In fact, it wouldn’t surprise me if you two already hadn’t crossed paths 2-3 times before.” 

;_; Jesus….GOD IS BLOWING MY MIND OVER HERE BECAUSE OF HIS DEEP LOVE AND JOY FOR ME ;____; God. IS. HOPE. he is LOVE. He is Every GOOD THING. Praise Him!!!!! 

I got another prophetic word from someone else saying that God gives me dreams at night of healing people and casting out spirits and one day they will become reality. (And He was right, I do have dreams like this almost constantly.) He told me also that there is nothing wrong with me physically, alleviating my fears, and he said that one day soon God’s voice would be louder than any other voice I hear, and Fear will lose its hold on me. AMEN!!!! 

One more thing that impacted me, was that….A woman came up for prayer with my partner and I. She told us a falling out had happened between her dad, herself, and her sister’s family. Her sister is shutting her and her father out of her life because of something in the past that resurfaced. Her sister’s son is severely disabled, and makes the matter that much worse. So she asked us for prayer to help restore broken relationships. As my partner prayed for her, I couldn’t get the little boy out of my mind. I saw an image of the boy, running, and smiling into God’s light. I told her what I saw, and she began to cry. She said, “My nephew..has brittle bones, and he can barely walk.” ;_; My heart MELTED for this woman…and I cried a little and prayed healing for her nephew. That God would heal him, and give him hope and joy. I prayed for all their relationships. 

That ministry time impacted me much because, It was more of God working in my life, and I love that. I love that he loves his children and speaks to them in ways they may not understand, but none the less he speaks. God is so amazing. 

So I write these testimonies out to try and encourage you, who are reading, that God deeply wants to see his children feel loved and appreciated. He gives you purpose, and he calls you up and raises the best in you! He does all things for your good and he calls you a son or daughter. :) The conference isn’t just something that happens one time and then it’s done. Healing, deliverance, encouragement, and hope can happen anywhere you’re at and in any season of life. :) reach out for Jesus today. Who knows where he’ll take you? :) ♥ God bless. 

-alex- 2/28/13 

If you struggle with sexual impurity, you’re not alone and there is grace for you. <3 Take it from someone who knows this. God is the winner-it is HIS Victory!!!! Love on Jesus more and more and see that even in the midst of your struggle-he is there. 

Shame is the enemy’s main method in this area. By saying that no one has this problem and you’re the only one that has it and no one has it as bad as you-is a well orchestrated LIE. 

Society today paints the picture that sex is okay if you’re unmarried and giving into the lusts of your youth is okay and the human body and soul is no longer a connected thing. But then the moment a teenage girl gets pregnant, The CHURCH often times rejects her and calls her names and looks upon her with shame. We live in a very wishy-washy time and we have to know What God thinks. 

Of course God wants you to wait for marriage and that it be between a man and a woman. He wants it to be a gift and something to treasure and hold. But knowing this, he knows his creation and knows how they struggle in this area. God does not condone sexual immorality and impurity, but just as every sin, God has forgiven us on that cross. Sin is sin no matter how big or small we see it. 

Reach out for God’s forgiveness. Repent. 

The original greek word for sin in the bible is hamartia. meaning “missing the mark.” We all fall short of God in many areas and not just this one-but this one has been on my heart lately and I felt like blogging it. 

Repentance is telling God that you are going to turn away from your old ways and face him. If you keep struggling with sexual addiction-Repent, refuse shame if you have confessed your sin and given it to the Lord. Once you have repented, Shame has no right to stay. Kick it to the curb! >:C And then, repenting-Choose God over lust. Over and over and over again as many times as it takes. Know that on your own if you are severely addicted, you can do nothing. Jesus is doing something within you and in your mind constantly. Believe that. Hold that as yours. Know that he is moving mountains in your life and you might not recognize it now, but he is indeed at work. Cooperate with him by confessing and repenting. Forgive yourself! don’t let shame set in if you have given it to God. Repentance is not an excuse to keep sinning, thinking “God will forgive me over and over and over again so I can keep doing this.” No no. There is surely consequences for your actions. Sin is sin and it all leads to death. So if you are serious about overcoming your sin in this area-Keep pressing into God’s truth. Really and honestly want to change. You will become more and more like Christ as you walk WITH him through this. 

I know this is a hard battle. I struggle with this too and in a terrible terrible way. But Praise God he is strong in our weakness and he has already freed us from sin’s control! Now I am convinced demonic things are at work - and no need to worry about this. They just know that it’s God’s win in the end and they’re making the battle that much more difficult. 

The Lord is with us always and forever. Even struggling with this, we must remember, “We are worthy. We are clean under his blood. We are his sons and daughters. He loves us. He smiles upon us. He offers us a way out!” 

I hope that this fits you well. And sorry if this isn’t exactly a sermon….I know the bible verses to back me up, but I just don’t have it at the moment. XD It’s kind of just a spill of my heart…;v; sorry. 

And here is a verse that has been speaking to me recently in this area. I hope it encourages you: 

“He heals the broken hearted and he binds up their wounds.”-Psalm 147:3

A few days ago this week, I had the strangest urge to go to the Sundial bridge. The Sundial bridge in Redding, a few minutes away from my home. 

I had no reason to go, except this random gut feeling. So I went…and as I was there, something told me to go into the gardens they have there, having never gone there before. But I didn’t end up going, and so I went home and I was bummed that nothing significant had happened. 

Over the past few days I have been exceptionally depressed about my husband, and the thought of him. Lately God has told me to give up Shipping and forget about cute romance drawings and things of that nature; because I am convinced he wants me to live in reality instead of fantasy. :’) Which, praise the Lord for that! but at the same time, I have been struggling and have felt very lonely and doubtful. I have cried for the past several days, struggling with, “Should I even think about romance? Is this selfish? I should be focused more on God instead of my husband who will not even come close to loving me as much as Christ can..” But I have been so harsh and legalistic towards myself…So I was constantly in a battle…

Today, I woke up this morning, and I took a shower. And lately, God has been speaking to me through the imagery of Water. I took a shower and was doing my shower prayers XD and I got out…I usually listen to air1 on my iphone while getting dressed but this morning I had forgotten it in my room, and something tells me “Go get your phone. And Just watch-the song that will be playing is the new song “Hold me Now” by RED.” And so I’m thinking, “Yeah RIGHHHHTTT.”

But sure enough, and praise Jesus, The song was indeed HOLD ME NOW!!! ;_; and right when I listened to it, the verse said, “I’ll return to the place where the water covers over everything.” AND as if that coincidence wasn’t enough, The verse of the day on my air1 app said, 

“But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.” -John 4:14 

;_; Already the day started off amazingly. 

And for some reason, I looked at my shirt I had picked out for the day, and I read the bible verse on it, something I almost never do. The shirt says, “Jesus heals broken hearts.” The bible verse is psalms 147:3, “He heals the broken hearted, and binds up their wounds.”

I read it, memorized it, and got ready for school. As school started, Jill, the pastor’s wife, announced to us we were going to do something different today. 

she was going to read PSALMS 147-148 and we were going to the SUNDIAL BRIDGE to the GARDENS to sit with the Lord and learn how God can speak to us even through Nature. 

Already my mind was BLOWN. Little coincidences after another after another kept adding up as a smile made its way across my face. ♥ 

We get to the bridge and into the gardens, an area I had never gone into before, and I really felt the Lord was guiding my steps to sit in a certain spot. I walked past many mini fountains too that were beautiful, but then I saw it. A Huge fountain sculpture with lovely ponds and running water around it. 

And there was a fountain there in the middle, that reminded me of what happened earlier this morning and how God used a christian song to realize that without his living water in my life, I am not living the life He intends for me! It was just such an awesome time with God. 

God wanted me to go to the big fountain instead of the little fountains because he wants to pour out much blessing in my life. ♥ Thank you, Lord! 

As if this wasn’t enough, He lead me to go out walking further, and as I walked, I saw a lovely couple-a pregnant woman and her man, caressing her bulging baby bump, and kissing her softly on the bench in the sunlight in the midst of beautful flowers. ;_; 

I felt such pain come into my heart and I began to cry. “Lord, is this wrong for me to want that?! I know that I want to have you first in my life..and I know I should be content with how I am now…but I just keep wanting and wanting as if you’re not good enough…” 

As I walked and cried, I entered a type of construction-ish area full of barren trees and stagnant pools of water. 

It feels like, symbolically, this is where I am at in life. I am in a season of growth and things look dim for now, but God will lead me into greener gardens one day. ♥ 

As I cried from seeing the couple, I questioned God, “Why did you show this to me?!” and I felt like God said, “Because it is in your future.” 

I weeped even more, and I walked further down this dusty path alone and by the barren trees and stagnant pools. I then said to myself, “I guess I think it’s selfish to want a husband and a romantic life…But God I don’t think that that’s true.” And right then, two  mallard ducks-a female and a male, swam out in front of me in a pool to my right. 

It was significant because They were together-a male and a female. And I heard the Lord say, “You desire something so natural-I created all the animals and birds in the earth to have a partner.” And I wept even harder…because God was blowing my mind! ;A; <3 

I felt a bit childish, but I asked God for one more sign that this all was from him. Months ago, when I moved up here to Redding in September, I had a dream of a baby deer walking up to me, and I heard a voice say, “this is God’s way of showing you he cares about you.” Later on that same day, I had been on a walk and I remembered the dream, and just then a deer ran across my path. ♥ So me and deers have this symbolic meaning attributed to God’s caring stare and hand in my life. 

I walked up a hill and thought about the symbol of a deer, and just as I took a step, I uttered the words, “NO WAY.” And to my amazement, there was a deer print. In the mud. under my foot. 

;_; Jesus….My Jesus. He is my comforter, my guidance and my hope. He gives me peace that things are going to be alright..and that he cares about the little things. ♥ 

From hearing my favorite song, He showed me a biblical truth he wants me to learn. God used even my SHIRT to match with the scripture reading in CLASS today, and He lead me to a fountain to further that truth about him being living water. Then he showed me the couple, which then led to the two ducks, and then finally, the deer print in the mud. ;_; 

Our God is a good God and he constantly speaks to us through many mediums. Through songs, through shirts, through his word, through other people, and through nature. ♥ I encourage you today to be intentional about seeking God and noticing that EVERYTHING can be a symbol to his great love, even in a barren stagnant land and even in dry seasons and times of trial and testing. Our God is good and forever faithful Amen Amen!!! 

-alex- 1/30/13 

My sister Kayla is 15 years old. She has scoliosis in her spine, and she is going into surgery on January 31st. However, I want to believe God for something bigger. I ask that you all would join me in prayer, and ask God to heal her spine. I am going to expect great things, even if healing doesn’t come. Months ago, I had a dream of my sister. She told me, “Pray for my back.” And in the dream, I moved a hand forward, and felt the holy spirit come upon me so realistically, it’s as if it wasn’t a dream. And as I laid my hand upon her back, I saw Jesus’s hand, transparent, and enter inside of her. She immediately straightened up, and began to cry, praising God, saying “I’m healed! I’m healed!!” I don’t know what God is going to do in my sister’s life…but I know that where there are two or more gathered in the name of Jesus Christ, God hears our prayers. :) Let’s expect a miracle! Lord, may your kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven! Thank you, and God bless.

God did above and beyond what I could have expected. He had healed some head-trips I had against schoolmates and really let me know that “It’s okay to be broken. Embrace Your brokenness-cause I love even those parts of you too.” ♥

We are now entering into an 8 week program learning about inner healing and how to receive God’s healing and how to minister that healing to others as well. ♥ Ohh, Husband-I wish/hope you were in a school like I am in! That way we both know this stuff together! ♥♥♥

When I went to the retreat, We did safe place prayer (asking the holy spirit to sanctify our imaginations and lead us in visions) and as we did, we were doing lectio divina-which is reading a passage of scripture and asking the Holy Spirit to reveal to us a certain part that he wants us to learn about. 

So I am crying, because already God takes me to a beautiful scene of flowers, lilacs, daisies, trees, creeks, rivers, etc. I am seeing all of this so vividly flashing before my eyes and I am just…recalling that it looks just like the flowers my Great Aunt had in her back yard when I was a child. The passage was being read over us from Romans 8, how nothing can separate us from the Love of Christ. 

So the translation that the teacher read over us was different than mine in my bible, and the Holy Spirit highlighted the phrase, “Just Look at it!” And as I listened to God, he told me, “Just Look at it…these flowers, these gardens. That’s how Beautiful you are.”

The amount of healing that gave me is astounding. I feel so filthy with my sin…so guilty..so Shameful…All those feelings are just lies. Jesus healed me in one moment…

I am beautiful. And I know it in the depths of my soul. Something clicked in my brain…♥ Jesus, you are amazing….♥

Another time, God gave me another vision of me in a princess dress…wearing jewels and a crown upon my head. I was a 4 year old, and me and Jesus ran around a playground and swung on the swings…we rode on bikes and scooters, played jump rope…blew some bubbles…♥ And at that time, the teacher laid her hand on me and said, “God is giving me a vision of you as a princess with a crown on your head right now.” 

;;____;; what was in my mind, was also in the mind of my teacher…♥ Because God was validating what I was seeing…♥

I am his Princess. I am Beautiful. ♥ Knowing those two things alone has brought me so much inner strength and healing. Even in my brokenness-Jesus you find me as yours, and you even smile when you look at me. ♥ 

Girls-You are daddy’s princess. You are BEAUTIFUL and worthy!!!! ♥
Boys-You are daddy’s little man-a prince!! You are in His image and you are stronger than you know!!! ♥

…God, continue doing this inner work in me! Jesus, my Jesus…♥

1/19/13 

that he knows. This man, whenever asked by someone, “Who are you?” “How are you?” He would reply with, 

“I am the beloved. I am busy being the beloved.” 

…I want to be that secure in my identity in Christ that I’m too busy being the beloved rather than something else. ♥♥♥♥